Today was a busy day. JB and I are attempting to work on our communication issues and build our relationship. The (main) issue as I see it is that he is a serious neat freak (read OCD) and I am not. Not only am I not a neat freak, because I am with someone now who is nowhere near the slob of the ex husband, I am perfectly content with “adequate”.
I guess, to backtrack, I need to determine for me what the definition of a crime is. Is the thought of the crime a crime? If you consider robbing a bank and then look up banks in your local area, have you committed a crime? If you are in a relationship and you are not happy, is considering leaving the relationship, without discussing your feelings a crime? What exactly is “considering”? What act becomes the betrayal of that relationship?
Well, without details, that is what happened. I stumbled upon his thoughts which made me aware that he was seriously considering not being in our relationship. This discovery and my inability to not confront led to the following revelations.
Apparently, I am fat, happy and stupid. In that order. At the beginning of our relationship I was a size 14 and now am two sizes bigger. To put it in his words “you have gained what? Five pounds a month for the last year?”. This is a sensitive subject. I am not exactly thrilled to be back in a size 18, but the truth of the matter is that I have been larger than this. I lost weight in a very unhealthy fashion when I discovered my ex husband cheating and our subsequent divorce.
Add to this, the fact that I allow my children to be kids. I am an enabler. My childhood ended at about the age of 10 and I have been determined to allow my children the ability to have a childhood. Perhaps this does not serve them well, but it heals old wounds for me.
Oh, and I spend too much time on the interwebs. Right. And he hates the cats. They are not leaving.
The final issue is what contributed to the way today went. I got up this morning and made oatmeal with raisins for breakfast. Then we (both of us and 3 kids) spent the next 5 hours cleaning. Now, don’t get me wrong, things are much, much, much more clean. He shampoos the carpets at least once per quarter anyhow, so today was the day. The closet under the stairs was gutted and cleaned. I tackled the hell hole that belongs to my oldest daughter. We sorted, purged and threw things out. We dusted and swept and vacuumed and scrubbed. Is cleanliness really next to godliness?
The question though remains….at what point is a crime committed?
2 comments:
Hey there!
I am happy that I foung your blog and I don't think you'd mind a complete stranger giving an opinion, since it IS a blog, afterall... (smiles)
I am not a size 4 like Halle Barry...but I do think that if a man has maintained his weight and appearance in the relationship then the woman should do the same. If he has not paid attention to HIS OWN appearance then he should not complain or criticize.
I speak to many men and they often say that a woman who lets herself go is showing that she DOES NOT respect him, that he is not important to her to look good for. Most women do not even SEE it that way! They don't think that being frumpy or sloppy is a sign of disrespecting their partner and taking him for granted. They really don't!
Most men are HIGHLY observant about weight gain with women since so many of them are "conditioned" to associate body type with sexual currency.
Most women who have gained significant amounts of weight tend to have some self-esteem issues that translate into other areas of the relationship that they may not be aware of.
I realize that I am saying a lot in this comment section but a relationship dissolves in stages.
1 Indifference/Recurring Criticisms
2 Emotional Detachment
3 Sexual Disinterest
4 Silent Contempt
5 Open Contempt
6 Physical Separation
7 Dissolution of Relationship
I am not sure which stage your relationship is in. Depending on the stage, there are STEPS that have to be taken to repair the relationship at EACH stage.
It's up to you to decide if it's worth the work involved to repair it or if it's easier to move on.
This is super long but I hope I've shared something helpful...I tried...
Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!
Lisa
Wow and thanks!!
I appreciate the feedback!!
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